John Strausbaugh, New York, October 13, 2009Fortress Moon
Anyone with two brain cells to rub together had to wonder what was up with NASA bombing the moon last week. They were looking for water? Really? The entire surface of the moon is pitted with craters. They had to gouge out two more to look for water?
Nobody bought it. The conspiracy theories sprouted instantly all over the Internet. One of the funniest is my friend Alan Cabal's, managing to link President Obama's Nobel to the deaths of two Jewish astronauts to the old saw about secret Nazi fortresses on the moon. (I think maybe Robert A. Heinlein was the first to expound that one, in his 1947 novel Rocket Ship Galileo.)
Or it was alien moon bases they were bombing. Or it was to alter the moon's gravitational effect on earth's tides. Or to stop the gradual expansion of the moon's orbit, which they tell us is increasing at 3.8 centimeters a year. Or — this was as inevitable as the tides — it was yet another attempt to cover up the fact that the Apollo landings were faked.
This is a classic example of the way the federal government actively encourages conspiracy theories to distract us rubes from whatever it's really up to. The Air Force let ufologists natter about the alien crash at Roswell for half a century as a handy distraction from what was really going on there. No doubt some large percentage of the UFOs sighted over the decades have been test flights of military aircraft in development. How many UFO sightings can be attributed to test flights of stealth technology alone? And who knows what else they've been testing that the rubes have thought were flying saucers? God only knows who's behind all those alien abductions, but it's a good bet they ain't aliens.
Similarly, NASA's explanation for bombing the moon was so weak on the face of it, and the footage of the event so awful, that you couldn't not be a conspiracy theorist about it. So here's mine.
I agree that the Apollo moon landings were a hoax. But not the way the Moon Hoax people think they were. The hoax is not that we ever landed on the moon. The hoax is that we ever stopped going.
We all know that the NASA space program was a civilian figleaf (and only nominally civilian at that) for a parallel black ops military space program. While NASA has been distracting us with Mercury, Gemini, Apollo and shuttle missions, secret military missions have been going up and back the whole time. While NASA had the whole world gazing at the Sea of Tranquility, the military's astronauts were landing over on the far side, digging in, fortifying it. In military terms, the moon is, after all, the ultimate high ground. You think the Soviets were racing us there just as a public relations stunt?
No. Fortress Moon, or Moon Base Alpha, or whatever they call it has been up there forty years. It's a fully operational military installation. I'm picturing an extensive sublunar bunker system, a PX, a Cinnabon-Burger King-Pizza Hut food court, a spaceport on the surface. Maybe in the Mare Moscoviense. That's where I'd put it. Surrounded with a web of dug-in missile silos, spread out from lunar pole to pole. Some for defense, but the bulk programmed to rain nukes on our enemies on earth. Back in the day they targeted the Soviets. Then who knows. Iraq, North Korea.
Meanwhile, six Apollo missions landed on the near side of the moon, between 1969 and 1972. They were cover, while the military missions got Fortress Moon up and running. In a brilliant gambit, the Apollo missions made trips to the moon so boring that everyone lost interest and stopped looking. Their real mission accomplished, the civilian flights ended in 1972.
Ever wonder why they have never, ever showed us a decent photo of any of the lunar rovers or other junk those Apollo missions left lying around on the moon? Six missions' worth of landers, rovers, flags, assorted equipment they left behind? They've mapped the entire surface photographically. They can't show us one clear shot of an abandoned moon buggy? I've seen clearer photos of Elvis on Mars. And why are some areas of the lunar surface deemed classified?
The traditional Moon Hoax crowd says it's because there's nothing up there, because we never went. I say it's because there's a lot more up there than they want us to know, because we never stopped going. The moon is military property, and like all military property there's a lot of it they won't let us see. It's Area 52.
And that's who we bombed last week. It wasn't aliens, or Russians, or Nazis. Sure, the Nazis could have gotten there, if Hitler wasn't such a putz. They got us there instead.
We bombed our own military facility. Or what used to be ours. It's been up there forty years. A whole generation lives up there now who've never set foot on earth. Sons and daughters of the original military personnel, born and raised on the moon. This new lunar generation is "American" in name only. Their allegiance to the US, let alone earth, is tenuous at best. They can't even see earth where they are.
Nobody bought it. The conspiracy theories sprouted instantly all over the Internet. One of the funniest is my friend Alan Cabal's, managing to link President Obama's Nobel to the deaths of two Jewish astronauts to the old saw about secret Nazi fortresses on the moon. (I think maybe Robert A. Heinlein was the first to expound that one, in his 1947 novel Rocket Ship Galileo.)
Or it was alien moon bases they were bombing. Or it was to alter the moon's gravitational effect on earth's tides. Or to stop the gradual expansion of the moon's orbit, which they tell us is increasing at 3.8 centimeters a year. Or — this was as inevitable as the tides — it was yet another attempt to cover up the fact that the Apollo landings were faked.
This is a classic example of the way the federal government actively encourages conspiracy theories to distract us rubes from whatever it's really up to. The Air Force let ufologists natter about the alien crash at Roswell for half a century as a handy distraction from what was really going on there. No doubt some large percentage of the UFOs sighted over the decades have been test flights of military aircraft in development. How many UFO sightings can be attributed to test flights of stealth technology alone? And who knows what else they've been testing that the rubes have thought were flying saucers? God only knows who's behind all those alien abductions, but it's a good bet they ain't aliens.
Similarly, NASA's explanation for bombing the moon was so weak on the face of it, and the footage of the event so awful, that you couldn't not be a conspiracy theorist about it. So here's mine.
I agree that the Apollo moon landings were a hoax. But not the way the Moon Hoax people think they were. The hoax is not that we ever landed on the moon. The hoax is that we ever stopped going.
We all know that the NASA space program was a civilian figleaf (and only nominally civilian at that) for a parallel black ops military space program. While NASA has been distracting us with Mercury, Gemini, Apollo and shuttle missions, secret military missions have been going up and back the whole time. While NASA had the whole world gazing at the Sea of Tranquility, the military's astronauts were landing over on the far side, digging in, fortifying it. In military terms, the moon is, after all, the ultimate high ground. You think the Soviets were racing us there just as a public relations stunt?
No. Fortress Moon, or Moon Base Alpha, or whatever they call it has been up there forty years. It's a fully operational military installation. I'm picturing an extensive sublunar bunker system, a PX, a Cinnabon-Burger King-Pizza Hut food court, a spaceport on the surface. Maybe in the Mare Moscoviense. That's where I'd put it. Surrounded with a web of dug-in missile silos, spread out from lunar pole to pole. Some for defense, but the bulk programmed to rain nukes on our enemies on earth. Back in the day they targeted the Soviets. Then who knows. Iraq, North Korea.
Meanwhile, six Apollo missions landed on the near side of the moon, between 1969 and 1972. They were cover, while the military missions got Fortress Moon up and running. In a brilliant gambit, the Apollo missions made trips to the moon so boring that everyone lost interest and stopped looking. Their real mission accomplished, the civilian flights ended in 1972.
Ever wonder why they have never, ever showed us a decent photo of any of the lunar rovers or other junk those Apollo missions left lying around on the moon? Six missions' worth of landers, rovers, flags, assorted equipment they left behind? They've mapped the entire surface photographically. They can't show us one clear shot of an abandoned moon buggy? I've seen clearer photos of Elvis on Mars. And why are some areas of the lunar surface deemed classified?
The traditional Moon Hoax crowd says it's because there's nothing up there, because we never went. I say it's because there's a lot more up there than they want us to know, because we never stopped going. The moon is military property, and like all military property there's a lot of it they won't let us see. It's Area 52.
And that's who we bombed last week. It wasn't aliens, or Russians, or Nazis. Sure, the Nazis could have gotten there, if Hitler wasn't such a putz. They got us there instead.
We bombed our own military facility. Or what used to be ours. It's been up there forty years. A whole generation lives up there now who've never set foot on earth. Sons and daughters of the original military personnel, born and raised on the moon. This new lunar generation is "American" in name only. Their allegiance to the US, let alone earth, is tenuous at best. They can't even see earth where they are.
Maybe they've gone native. Maybe they call themselves Selenites. Declared their independence from earth. Designed their own flag, with a big moon in the center and a little earth in the corner. Got uppity and stopped taking orders from down here. Maybe they're no more content to be a colony of some superpower far away than the Americans of 1776 were. Maybe 2009 is their 1776. Maybe we bombed a couple of their remote polar outposts last week as a warning. Let's hope they don't retaliate.
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Comments (12)
The Essence Of Sleight-Of-Hand Is Misdirection
"Strausbaugh"? That's a German name, isn't it?
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October 13, 2009
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I don't think we went to the moon with the technology that the public was aware of in '69.
Yes, we've probably never stopped going there.
Yes, we've probably never stopped going there.
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October 14, 2009
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Electric Comets versus Moon(men)
Arf, arf, arf.
Selenites? I don't think we're that adaptable...I think a local gravity is necessary for us to keep ourselves the magnificent, anxious, psychologically malleable, pill-popping, teen-anorexic to mid-30's obese shape that our beautifutzed species is in.
You can follow the failure of this current Moon-eyed project to produce a big explosion, though, through the work of the "Plasma Cosmologists" - those few and many who believe (because they observe) that the universe is formed of electrified plasma currents. NASA's impact of a small space probe into an asteroid a few years ago famously produced a massive electrical discharge. This one, with the moon, was, in their words, a 'dud.'
The plasma cosmologists explain this as a measure of electrical difference, between the homeostatic moon (accustomed to the local electrical charges, and not at odds with them), and the large asteroid, coming from deep space, not at level with the local electrical environment, having accrued a massive charge, and then, with the entry of an intruder, releasing it all at once in a lightning flash.
You can see and read about all of that hither:
http://www.thunderbolts.info/predictions.htm#cdi
Oh, that we ever stopped going there? I don't know. I think they'd have figured out a way to make money off it at this point, were it so. Canada sent its first 'space tourist' into above Earth orbit, for the nice price of 35 million dollars, as I read it.
I think if the moonbases were a reality, we'd have a 'Six Flags' low-gravity amusement park, for the zuper-riche, of course, wiht a virtual Paris Hilton as your guide...
Or, maybe you're right and NASA/US Military has been making trips for years. I'm not sure...sort of doubting it. I can tell you, however, that NASA has been peddling other fictions for decades - the Big Bang theory, Black Holes, Dark Matter - all inventions to make a failing cosmology stick together (enough for zuper-krappie PBS specials, that is).
Never mind Battlestar Galactica - Where NASA goes is your real 'science fiction.'
Selenites? I don't think we're that adaptable...I think a local gravity is necessary for us to keep ourselves the magnificent, anxious, psychologically malleable, pill-popping, teen-anorexic to mid-30's obese shape that our beautifutzed species is in.
You can follow the failure of this current Moon-eyed project to produce a big explosion, though, through the work of the "Plasma Cosmologists" - those few and many who believe (because they observe) that the universe is formed of electrified plasma currents. NASA's impact of a small space probe into an asteroid a few years ago famously produced a massive electrical discharge. This one, with the moon, was, in their words, a 'dud.'
The plasma cosmologists explain this as a measure of electrical difference, between the homeostatic moon (accustomed to the local electrical charges, and not at odds with them), and the large asteroid, coming from deep space, not at level with the local electrical environment, having accrued a massive charge, and then, with the entry of an intruder, releasing it all at once in a lightning flash.
You can see and read about all of that hither:
http://www.thunderbolts.info/predictions.htm#cdi
Oh, that we ever stopped going there? I don't know. I think they'd have figured out a way to make money off it at this point, were it so. Canada sent its first 'space tourist' into above Earth orbit, for the nice price of 35 million dollars, as I read it.
I think if the moonbases were a reality, we'd have a 'Six Flags' low-gravity amusement park, for the zuper-riche, of course, wiht a virtual Paris Hilton as your guide...
Or, maybe you're right and NASA/US Military has been making trips for years. I'm not sure...sort of doubting it. I can tell you, however, that NASA has been peddling other fictions for decades - the Big Bang theory, Black Holes, Dark Matter - all inventions to make a failing cosmology stick together (enough for zuper-krappie PBS specials, that is).
Never mind Battlestar Galactica - Where NASA goes is your real 'science fiction.'
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October 14, 2009
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This proposal strikes me as lunacy. There's no way that the cost
of such a thing could have been hidden in the US budget in the
1960s. We can't even afford a proper base in low earth orbit today.
I must be too thick to be unable to determine whether this is intended
as farce or as a serious proposal. If the former, I advise that stronger hints
be put into future jokes to help thick persons such as myself.
I ran into this piece at the Counterpunch site and it shook me up. I don't
think that this piece does Progressives any credit.
of such a thing could have been hidden in the US budget in the
1960s. We can't even afford a proper base in low earth orbit today.
I must be too thick to be unable to determine whether this is intended
as farce or as a serious proposal. If the former, I advise that stronger hints
be put into future jokes to help thick persons such as myself.
I ran into this piece at the Counterpunch site and it shook me up. I don't
think that this piece does Progressives any credit.
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October 14, 2009
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Regarding this:
"Anyone with two brain cells to rub together had to wonder what was up with NASA bombing the moon last week. They were looking for water? Really? The entire surface of the moon is pitted with craters. They had to gouge out two more to look for water?"
Careful attention to NASA's explanation of the purpose of this mission would have answered the question. The moon is airless and has low gravity. Water vapor escapes from the surface very easily. The point of a target crater in the polar region is that it is only in such a place that the lunar surface is in permanent shadow and thus cold. There might be water frozen in surface rocks in such a place, but certainly nowhere else. The many craters over the rest of the lunar surface mentioned by JS are illuminated by sunlight for about half of each moon orbit of the earth, so they are warmer than the shadowed crater interiors at the moon's poles, and certainly thoroughly dessicated.
I hope that this piece was intended to be a joke.
"Anyone with two brain cells to rub together had to wonder what was up with NASA bombing the moon last week. They were looking for water? Really? The entire surface of the moon is pitted with craters. They had to gouge out two more to look for water?"
Careful attention to NASA's explanation of the purpose of this mission would have answered the question. The moon is airless and has low gravity. Water vapor escapes from the surface very easily. The point of a target crater in the polar region is that it is only in such a place that the lunar surface is in permanent shadow and thus cold. There might be water frozen in surface rocks in such a place, but certainly nowhere else. The many craters over the rest of the lunar surface mentioned by JS are illuminated by sunlight for about half of each moon orbit of the earth, so they are warmer than the shadowed crater interiors at the moon's poles, and certainly thoroughly dessicated.
I hope that this piece was intended to be a joke.
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October 14, 2009
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SOME COMMENTS, PLUS THE REAL REASON
"This proposal strikes me as lunacy. There's no way that the cost
of such a thing could have been hidden in the US budget in the
1960s. We can't even afford a proper base in low earth orbit today."
REALLY? The US gummint, or elements of our quasi-gummint, have been importing tons of narcotics for decades, and using the off-the-books $$ to fund black ops. We're in Afghanistan for the poppies, DUH. Plus, you don't think they'd tell us what sorta hi-tech stuff they have, do you? My rule of thumb is, what's published is at least 20 years behind the cutting edge.
OKAY, the reason NASA did this is 'cause an earlier mission discovered a morphed strain of green cheese--moldy mozzarella, actually--whose spores can survive a vacuum and drift to earth, and when inhaled turn us into Gahan Wilson cartoon characters.
That wouldn't be bad if it were selective. But we can't choose who gets morphed and who doesn't. So they totaled the blob of cheese, using explosives and a nose cone full of H1N1 vaccine, which will kill anything, including us.
of such a thing could have been hidden in the US budget in the
1960s. We can't even afford a proper base in low earth orbit today."
REALLY? The US gummint, or elements of our quasi-gummint, have been importing tons of narcotics for decades, and using the off-the-books $$ to fund black ops. We're in Afghanistan for the poppies, DUH. Plus, you don't think they'd tell us what sorta hi-tech stuff they have, do you? My rule of thumb is, what's published is at least 20 years behind the cutting edge.
OKAY, the reason NASA did this is 'cause an earlier mission discovered a morphed strain of green cheese--moldy mozzarella, actually--whose spores can survive a vacuum and drift to earth, and when inhaled turn us into Gahan Wilson cartoon characters.
That wouldn't be bad if it were selective. But we can't choose who gets morphed and who doesn't. So they totaled the blob of cheese, using explosives and a nose cone full of H1N1 vaccine, which will kill anything, including us.
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October 14, 2009
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FURTHER READING ON THE MOOM BOMBING
SEE ALSO: "The Big Space Fuck," a 5-page gem by Vonnegut in Again Dangerous Visions edited by Harlan Ellison. You can Google it, without annoying Google with the Anglo-Saxon. TBSF puts this whole moon trip into proper perspective, especially since the NASA mission had to have been arranged by desperate alpha males.
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October 14, 2009
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Bolshevik Davis
"Desperate alpha males"? As opposed to what, desperate delta males? You, R.A. Davis, fail to recognize greatness when it pukes on your shoes. Our Dear Leader is defending not only our free way of life against the Nazi Space Menace, he is defending the sacred repository of G-D's Chosen against their most determined and implacable enemy. DEATH to Base 88! DEATH to the Black Sun!
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October 15, 2009
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Earthling
The lunar conspiracy theory was reminiscent of Paul Krassner's finest work.
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October 15, 2009
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